yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
