She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Actions speak louder than pants.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
