she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
