I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
