I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
