At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
