I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
