life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
