Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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