I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
