My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
