I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
