Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Your cock deserves a montage
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
