I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
