you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
