I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
