i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
