I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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