woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
