my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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