we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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