Will you blow on my dice?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Green mimosas i think yes
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
