well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
