Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
