he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
