Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
