none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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