Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
