If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
