We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
