Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
