if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
