Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
