my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
