Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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