nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
