She's JV to your varsity
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He felt like a one man threesome
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
