I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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