Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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