He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
