last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
