well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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