His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
