Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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