im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
