god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
