Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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