i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
