I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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