Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he puts the penis in happiness.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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